Holiday Cries for Help - Got Sanity?

Help! That seems to be the call this season. I am seeing so many articles about kids, money and the holidays that I honestly can't keep up. There is one thing that I've been talking about that I think is probably the most important consideration parents should have this holiday season - be aware of your own actions. Stacy Tisdale's new book, "The True Cost of Happiness," addresses this same issue - she says that if kids grow up in a credit card debt home, that's the kind of home they'll have. She even talked on the Today Show about this. True, true, true. I completely concur with Stacy's assessment. We all know kids do what we do, not what we say. So, this holiday season, be aware of the following:

- Make it a point to create and talk about a budget - even if you have very young kids, talk about it. They may not yet get, but you're setting the foundation...and you'll help yourselves curb "crazy spending in the process."

- Be very aware of the use of the words "need" and "want." Correct yourself and your children when you use these words incorrectly and/or interchangeability. Seriously, make it a point to pay strict attention to your words and actions regarding money for a day or two and you may be surprised at what you might discover about yourself - and your kids.

-Emphasize traditions. Don't have any traditions, create some. Every kids wants gifts during the holidays and I certainly don't want to advocate being a scrooge here, but emphasize your traditions - whatever they may be - because that's what kids will value in the long run. Granted, a Christmas without presents would not be fun at all, but neither would a Christmas without a decorated tree.

Make time for family and enjoy yourselves.

-John

Say Yes to No

Minnesota has launched a new campaign, "Say Yes To No," that encourages parents to be more active in setting limits on their children, particularly when it comes to consuming media - which are filled with "yes" messages. Why? The site link above notes that "The constant barrage of “yes” messages undermines crucial character traits for success, including self-reliance, respect, integrity and the ability to delay gratification." The campaign promotes Dr. David Walsh's new book, "No. Why Kids – of All Ages – Need to Hear it and Ways Parents Can Say It," as a way of addressing the "yes" syndrome in our culture.

I haven't yet read the book, but I love the concept. It immediately reminded me of a recent conversation. My friend - a company president and someone with tremendous means - told me that he was having diffculty getting across the concept of saving with his 5-year-old. I probed a bit and found that his real problem was that he was having a difficult time saying no to "small requests." These requests (toys, games, etc.) were adding up and he was feeling that his child was beginning to become one of those "entitled" types. The irony of this was staggering - the wealth he had amassed by embodying the traits above was enabling him to potentially deprive his son of those very important traits. I told him that he really needed to learn how to say "no." Sure, he can afford most anything his son would like, but perhaps it was time to use the phrase, "it's not in our budget." It's just one way to "say yes to no."

"This Doesn't Fit Into Our Budget"

My 3-year-old always asks to buy stuff when we go into a store. To anyone who has kids, this certainly isn't a shocker. So how do we deal with it? In her book, Money Still Doesn't Grow on Trees, Neale S. Godfrey says that if you should remember only one piece of information from her book, it's the phrase, "This doesn't fit into our budget." My wife and I use this line all the time. Our daughter is three so she keeps pushing, but I think she's starting to get the point. Why this line? Neale looks at the primary alternative line, "We can't afford it," and says "...that it doesn't mean anything. In fact, you probably can afford it." Saying that something doesn't fit into a budget will also help us segueway into a larger discussion about budgets when the time comes (of course, we think three is a little young). I have a friend who is also a financial representative and I was impressed by his dogged use of the "budget" line with his 4-year-old the last time we were out. It worked to quash the requests pretty effectively. I was also secretly giddy that his kid suffered from the same consumption issues as our daughter. Let me know what's working for you.

Neale's book is available at most major booksellers.

-John