Needs and Wants Redux

Needs and wants. It's incredibly important to distinguish between the two. I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating. Why? I heard a report on NPR this week about an Audi dealership owner saying that the current economic crisis was keeping people from their transportation "needs." Hmmm. An Audi is a beautiful car, but it could hardly be considered a need. Even in car-centric Los Angeles, there are a number of options that would fulfill a car need at a much lower price. All of us with kids should think about this lesson - pay particular attention to your use of the words "wants" and "needs," especially when they are within earshot. We all know that kids ape our behaviors, and using the words needs and wants appropriately might help them better understand the difference.

-John

Holiday Cries for Help - Got Sanity?

Help! That seems to be the call this season. I am seeing so many articles about kids, money and the holidays that I honestly can't keep up. There is one thing that I've been talking about that I think is probably the most important consideration parents should have this holiday season - be aware of your own actions. Stacy Tisdale's new book, "The True Cost of Happiness," addresses this same issue - she says that if kids grow up in a credit card debt home, that's the kind of home they'll have. She even talked on the Today Show about this. True, true, true. I completely concur with Stacy's assessment. We all know kids do what we do, not what we say. So, this holiday season, be aware of the following:

- Make it a point to create and talk about a budget - even if you have very young kids, talk about it. They may not yet get, but you're setting the foundation...and you'll help yourselves curb "crazy spending in the process."

- Be very aware of the use of the words "need" and "want." Correct yourself and your children when you use these words incorrectly and/or interchangeability. Seriously, make it a point to pay strict attention to your words and actions regarding money for a day or two and you may be surprised at what you might discover about yourself - and your kids.

-Emphasize traditions. Don't have any traditions, create some. Every kids wants gifts during the holidays and I certainly don't want to advocate being a scrooge here, but emphasize your traditions - whatever they may be - because that's what kids will value in the long run. Granted, a Christmas without presents would not be fun at all, but neither would a Christmas without a decorated tree.

Make time for family and enjoy yourselves.

-John

A Little Victory

I talk a lot about needs and wants to other parents and kids and it's a core part of the mission my company and I are on. Recently, though, I've been wondering about the effectiveness of this communication because my 4-year-old, Quinn, has been overwhelming my wife and me with whining about "wants, wants, wants." I kept thinking to myself, "Is she getting it?"

And just about when I was at my breaking point, she stunned me. We were cruising down Gower St. here in Los Angeles when Kellyn, our 2-year-old, blurted from the back seat, "I need my Dora" (pronounced "Doe-wah" in two-speak). I had just watched her toss it on the floor and since I was, well, driving, I wasn't in a rush to satisfy this demand. She quickly followed her request with a whine when suddenly Quinn chimed in, "Kellyn, you don't NEED your Dora, you WANT it." I looked at Quinn in the rearview mirror and smiled. A little victory.

Young Kids and Money - Rich or Poor

My family is always sending me articles relevant to our business and today's mail proved to be no exception. My Dad, a retired banker, sent me a piece from the June 2007 issue of the Parsippany monthly. Though the article addresses four topics for "Teaching Children the Financial Facts of Life" (article by Steven Brisgel), two items resonate for me. At the beginning of the article, Steven mentions that many young people may receive "sizable inheritances." Kids of wealth have difficulty with "value of money" issues just as poor or middle-class children do. It likely stems from the same problem, though, and that is the emphasis society or parents put on material things. Which brings me to the Steven's first (and arguably most important) topic, "Be a Role Model." This is one of the most difficult areas for any of us to address, particularly if we have developed any bad habits (which would be about 100% of us) over our lifetimes. We all know that kids do what you do, not what you say, and it is IMPERATIVE that we are mindful of this axiom. One thing that we try to do in our household is be mindful of our use of the terms "need" and "want." Put your attention on this during the day and you'll see what I mean. Adjust what you say accordingly - making sure that you are using the terms properly. And gently correct your children when they identify a want as a need. Nobody really needs a nightgown emblazoned with their favorite character. Do they?